hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
