Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize