just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
