She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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