If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
