I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
