New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
