I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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