was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
