I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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