I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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