I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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