That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
