She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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