you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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