Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize