Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
