Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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