I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
