Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just had sex on a roof
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
