peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize