You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
