I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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