...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
