I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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