dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
