Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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