I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
