I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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