Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
