sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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