smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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