so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
