That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
