idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
