i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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