I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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