I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
