I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
