That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
