dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize