remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
