I wish I could punch you in the face.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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