you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
