Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Text me some of your sweat
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
