Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
