i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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