you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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