Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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