I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
