pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
