He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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