My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
