I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize