I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
