Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
