so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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