At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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