he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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