The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
