dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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