No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
