He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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