that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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