My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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