mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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