Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
