Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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