Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
