chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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