He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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