First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
