Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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