I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
