i was rollin on her like bob the builder
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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