I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
