ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Less talking, more tequila
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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