I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All I want is dick and wine.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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