Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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