Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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