she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
