Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
