Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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