don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
