she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
