Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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