Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
