do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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